There’s an odd little thought experiment that’s been floating around the internet for years. It’s called the Immortal Snail Problem.
Here’s how it goes:
You are given infinite money and immortality. Sounds perfect, right? But there’s a catch. Somewhere in the world is a snail that is also immortal. Its only purpose is to find you. If it ever touches you, you die instantly. The snail always knows where you are and it never stops moving toward you. It might take days, months, or even years to reach you — but eventually, inevitably, it will arrive.
It’s absurd, but it caught on because it’s a surprisingly sharp metaphor. No matter how far you run, how much you earn, or how clever you get, the snail is always coming. Slow, patient, inevitable.
The Massage Version of the Snail
In massage therapy, we deal with our own “immortal snails.”
Stress: creeping into shoulders, jaw, and back. It doesn’t overwhelm in a single day, but it always comes, step by slow step.
Tension: building in muscles and fascia until it finally “touches” you with pain, stiffness, or fatigue.
Aging: not dramatic in the moment, but steady and inescapable, shaping how we feel and move.
Like the snail, these forces are relentless. You can’t destroy them. But you can decide how you live while they’re on their way.
Staying Ahead of the Snail
Massage is not about eliminating stress or stopping time. It’s about creating distance between you and what’s chasing you. Each session buys breathing space. Each touch resets your system just enough so the snail doesn’t catch you today.
For therapists, this reframes the work: we’re not promising a cure or an end point. We’re offering strategies that help clients keep moving, keep living, keep staying ahead of what inevitably follows.
The Takeaway
The Immortal Snail is funny, but it’s also honest. We all live with something slow, small, and inevitable coming our way. Massage doesn’t make the snail vanish. What it does is help you feel lighter, freer, and more alive as you move forward — knowing the snail is there, but not letting it define the journey.